I know well the feeling of watching an entire episode of The Price Is Right while eating an entire box of Triscuits. I’ve been a retired housewife most of my life.
How I dreamed of being on this show! I wouldn’t run down the aisles like the other Karens. I would stride confidently when my name was called to “Come on down!” I would take Barker’s massive leathery paw in my hand and give him the old politician’s elbow-hug. I alone would make it to the Showcase Showdown and spin the Big Wheel with the strength of ten contestants. How Barker’s Beauties would swoon!
In our last post, we covered the Duolingo Fail Sound and that got me thinking about the most infamous Fail Sound. When you think of failure, do you think of whammies? Or do you think of the “Losing Horn?”
Mmm, mmm, mmmmmmm. Like a bathroom full of tubas. This is the fail sound for fat losers. The sound of shabby hobos with outturned pockets. The sound of Bob Barker’s spoiled erection. No, wait, that’s just his pencil microphone. Before Curb Your Enthusiasm, this was our go-to tuba leitmotif for when shit got hairy.
Basically, what we have here is a perfect cadence (I V I). The final G on the bass sustains to create a C Major (2nd inversion). But instead of the high horns resolving nicely on the C and E, they glissando downward as of a Doppler Shift on a Häagen-Dazs truck.
In other words, the low horn asks a question, and the high horns provide a disappointing answer. They might even be mocking you.
After all, the models have cooled to your charms. The Big Wheel is stuck. The showcases have fallen. Bob looks ready to devour you if he doesn’t get his third rice pudding. Game over, man.
