Bonnie is an orangutan (not a monkey) living at the National Zoo who taught herself how to whistle. And get this: she doesn’t just whistle for food rewards! She actually—bear with me here—likes to whistle, although we can’t be sure. We have to put ‘likes’ in single quotes, because I still can’t understand why an animal would do something if not for a food reward.
Check out Bonnie’s whistle in the video below, which she basically invented in the vacuum of her lonely zoo cage. She must have been inspired by the breeze blowing across her rusty cage bars. How many people have invented whistling on their own? Probably, as many as have invented the alphabet.
Bonnie’s whistle is kind of like a bird call. She hits 3 notes, and then pauses. The interval she uses is about a whole tone between an F# and G#. There also bends on each note. The first seems to bend down, while the middle bends up, and the third bends up and down. It is notated as quarter-tone sharps below, to best approximate her portamento. Drag over the noteheads or click the score.
It ain’t dixie, but what a tone—wet and full-lipped. Bonnie’s whistle sounds similar to a mourning dove call, but she isn’t copying the birds. Researchers have suggested that Bonnie picked up her unique talent from a former whistling caretaker.
Pretty soon, apes will be talking too, in American English one hopes. Although, even if Bonnie was singing Shakespeare sonnets, we’d still question her motivations.
Like, do you really enjoy this, or are you in it for the food rewards?
there is a phone call that makes a kind of native guatemalan greeting everytim it calls you.
like: you’ll be chillin’ with yer homeys, and suddenly be transported to the lovely central american nation of guatemala, where the most insane marimba players live; the original marimba-makers.
you may have heard this thing. i can’t remember what phone it’s for. i’m not good with the brandnames. it seems the phone companies and other multinationals are following the old-time inspiration of classic TV and radio, by playing their insidious jingles on an idiophone.
drag over the black stemmed noteheads below, or click the score to hear the entire melody.
the ringtone is a melody in the key of G Major tetratonic (G, B, D, E). the first interval (B, G) is a Major Third, reminiscent of Westminster Quarters, and its influence on doorbells, convenience stores, dialtones, etc. it also treads into relative minor territory, when emphasizing the E Minor, but it resolves back to the G major by the end.
i’d like to say that the above melody sucks, but it’s actually pretty great. although it isn’t much of a complete musical phrase; it exists more for functional reasons than musical ones. take a look at the half-measure of rest at the end of measure 2. like a call without the answer, the ringtone leaves an open rest in between the melody for screening purposes, just like birdsong do. the marimba was probably chosen because it has a strong attack, sounds like a tonal drum (similar to retro-game timbres), and will cut through most any soundscape with its extreme woodeness.
yeah, it ain’t such a bad ringtone or a melody, in of itself, but what’s bad is the creeping transhumanist agenda that such a sprightly little wooden melody heralds; and the people, they a-ok with this marimba shit. i guess this commercial was supposed to be ironic or something.
here’s to the crazy guatemalians.
♫ Bonus MIDI for jamming and singing along at home ♫
A memorable scene from Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 film Eyes Wide Shut finds Tom Cruise at the Rothschild mansion where he witnesses an elite sex-magick ritual set to a reverse Mass accompanied by live electric keyboard, because the Illuminati just gotta have that live keyboard sound; it makes the sex-magick nice and sexy. You can’t really perform a sex-magick rite without it. Electric keys are what the world leaders get down to each year at Bohemian Grove; the Presidential Emergency Operations Center located beneath the White House is cached with vintage casios in the event of a nuclear holocaust. For all their forward-looking empire-building-and-empire-destorying, the Powers That Be are still stuck in the ’80s with regards to their sex-magick soundtracks1.
Kubrick’s last film also features a colorful score of Shostakovich, Liszt, Chris Isaak, and some jazz, and finally, once the ritual is interrupted to kick Tom Cruise out of the MKUltra sex-magick party, the second half of the movie gets stuck on a simple piano piece—the second movement of Musica Ricercata by György Liget2.
Musica Ricercata II begins with 2 notes played in call and answer phrasing, E♯ and F♯, a semitone apart. Drag your mouse-hand from left to right along the noteheads below to hear the Musica. When you get to the end of the staff, return to the left and start again. Notice the visual symmetry in the 8 bar phrase.
It’s the perfect strolling music, especially if you’re stalking someone. The back and forth movement between the two neighboring pitches creates strong creeping tension when played in various octave combinations, and it isn’t gussied up with harmonies or any reference to a key; the melody is as butt-naked as a beta sex kitten3.
After repetition of the above phrase in eight wide octaves, a 3rd tone stalks the composition. A stark G is played and accelerated in accelerando. Throughout the film, the G is dropped at surprise moments, like when the protagonist Tom Cruise realizes that his wife Nicole Kidman has been participating in sex-magick rituals in her dreams, which is actually way worse.
The 3 tones that make up the piece, E♯. F♯, and G, are each a semitone apart. They create a dissonant chromatic tonality, an inherent ugliness that is rendered beautiful through a widening of the intervals, spread out over the octaves, and played on the soft pedal of the piano.
It would probably sound amazing on an electric piano keyboard.
György’s melody is used throughout Eyes Wide Shut as a leitmotif for the Illuminati presence in the film. The sexual tension of pretty much every character is echoed in the dissonant semitone intervals. The 3 tones (E♯, F♯, G) are right next to each other, the closest cluster of notes possible on a pianoforte, and yet they create the strongest dissonance, that’s only made pleasing by giving them some space; I think that’s a metaphor for love or something. The dance between the E-sharp and the F-sharp represents the tension between Tom and Nicole, back and forth they go, resolving on one and then the other. The sudden intrusion of the G tone plays on top of them, like the nefarious conspiracy that rules over our lives and seduces us with its ugly beauty.
Another interpretation: the doubling of the melody in a low and high octave represents two people—a man and woman—marching along a parallel path, and the conspiratorial tones that play between them, create even more dissonance in their lives, as they continue along with the same old melody, as if guided by the hidden hand.
Stanley Kubrick is famous for filming the Apollo moon landings, which actually had some pretty good special effects for its day. Eyes Wide Shut was released on July 16, 1999, the 30th anniversary of the moon landing, and five days after the movie was screened to Tom, Nicole, and Warner Bros. executives, Kubrick mysteriously died of a massive CIA heart attack gun. The end.
Enter the lodge.
E♯ is also known as F♮, or it’s actually different, but it sounds the same. You may think E♯ is rather pretentious, or you may find the above score to be too fake bookish. So here’s the real score in the youtube below. It’s in 5/4, though the pianist just kinda rests for an indeterminate amount of beats in between the phrases. 5/4 and E♯—now that’s double-dog pretentious and downright ostentatious.
For more on the subtext of this film, read the Greenbaum speech, or don’t, cause it’s horrifying.
Beginning at the top with a low A and following clockwise, we cycle through the 12 tones of Equal Temperament, spanning seven octaves, ascending a fifth at a time, till we return once again to the octave and back to the A. Drag your mouse in clockwise circles to experience the incredible power of the octave harnessed in circular high-fives.
The Circle of 5ths is a classic visualization of the 12 tones and their relationships first illustrated by Russian theorist Nikolay Diletsky in his 1679 treatise Grammatika.
If we draw a straight line down from the A, we divide the octave in half, and get the half-octave, or tritone. Inscribing a cross inside the circle, we get the symmetrical diminished scale (A F# D# C), which divides the octave into 4 equal minor third intervals.
The tritone interval is exactly 600 cents, used to be called ‘Diabolus in Musica’ in the Middle Ages, and was long avoided in musical practice for being too dissonant. It flourished in modernism and metal music, and continues to be popular today anytime a composer wants to invoke the dark lord in song without having to reverse the tape.
Keeping with our occult mindset, if we combine some geometry with some music we get the fledgling pseudoscience of geomusic. That’s not geo-music, like Earthy Music, like the Hum of our Planet, or the Lightning Tones of the Atmosphere, but geomusic. Pronounce it like geometry, and then never say it again.
The octave divided into 3 equal intervals gives us the augmented chord, as well as a curious symbol of esoteric traditions.
The circumscribed triangle above is a popular symbol of Occultists, Kabbalists, Rosicrucians, Masons, Satanists, and Uroborosists etc. The equilateral triangle inside a circle has been used as the AA logo, and can be seen on the back of a $1 in the Great Seal of the US. In the occult it is called the Devil’s Door, and used to summon daemons. It is a symbol of authoritative agencies, ritual magickal practitioners, and math students.
The tones found at the vertices of the triangle form an augmented chord (A C# F). While the above circumscribed cross divided the octave into 4 minor thirds, the circumscribed triangle divides the octave into 3 equal major thirds.
The stacking of happy-sounding Major Third intervals results in a very scary-sounding chord. It almost sounds like a triangle trapped inside a circle. The dissonance hides behind consonance, like evil lurking beneath a thin veneer of goody-two-shoeness.
Men have found the dark lord in backwards pop songs, detuned intervals, and now smack dab in the holiest of holies, the Circle of Fifths.
The dissonance draws out our delusion. In both the augmented chord and the diminished chord, there is the need for resolution, and since none is provided, there is tension. Tense sweet tension.
It reminds of what the Yellow Emperor used to say,
Music begins with fear, and because of this fear there is dread, as of a curse. Then I add the weariness, and because of the weariness there is compliance. I end it all with the confusion and because of the confusion there is stupidity. And because of the stupidity there is the Way, the Way that can be lifted up and carried around wherever you go.
Musical Geometry – the circumscribed triangle idea as applied to the circle of 5ths comes from this very questionable documentary (though it probably originated elsewhere). Seriously, don’t click that.
The Solfeggio frequencies are an ancient scale written about in the book Healing Codes for the Biological Apocalypse. The 9 frequencies were derived from numerology, and are said to be able to cure cancer, help you quit electronic smoking, and repair your DNA. The book combines conspiracy theory, new ageyness, pseudo-musical science, and biospiritual activism in such beautifully crazy ways, it almost makes the author of this blog jealous.
Anyway, here’s the 9 frequencies—’God’s Perfect Circle of Sound’—as well as their solfege names, and the nearest note in equal temperament. The note “Mi”, is actually sharper than the closest C tone (an octave above middle C) and is known as the Gold Tone which if listened to enough can perform transformation and miracles like DNA repair. You won’t find this scale notated anywhere else folks! And have yourself a listen as to why. Drag over the black stemmed noteheads.
This ancient scale was discovered in the Bible, Gregorian Chants, Sanskrit Chants, and inside the author’s own ass. It’s not that I’m jealous of Len Horowitz’s cottage industry of healing tones and his ability to monetize his awesome nonsense, but just look at that hideous scale! Is it F-minor? F-sharp? It appears to be a tetrachord, and a pentachord, or some such throwback to the Greeks. Or a modernist polytonal thing—half F-minor, half E-major. Everyone loves the number nine! Except, I already worship se7en. Shoot.
It isn’t actually anything, because it’s based entirely on abstract numbers, and their general usage in music as well as math. It’s exactly the same as setting the Schumann Resonance to music, and calling it the Schumann Scale—the music of sacred lightning. Except in this latter case, it’s clearly a joke, a net-surfer’s curio.
The Solfeggio scale doesn’t seem to be notated anywhere in the healing tones literature. God likes his frequencies measured in Hertz anyway. The Biological Apocalypse will not be notated!
The classic Car Turn Signal is a sloppy shuffle. Like a horse walk, the turn signal clip clops along at a swinging uneven beat. Perhaps the turn signal of the automobile was designed to mimic the turning of the equestrian’s steed, harking back to that ole clippity-clop.
Compare with the equine version.
The Car Turn Signal swings out of time with any kind of music playing on your car radio. It swings in and of itself, with its own unique feel like some funky-ass drummer. Medeski, Martin, and Wood have a similar feel—dump truck funk, I believe. And of course, the horse.
Let’s not put the car before the horse. We know who the original 4/4 funkmeister is.
The Automobile signaled the advent of the Jazz Age. With its brassy car horn and chugging constant rhythm, the automobile brought the far-flung romance of trains back to the streets. It makes a lot of sense to signal the new swinging era with a swinging Turn Signal. Too much sense actually.
Much ado has been made in the media about Beyoncé’s lip-synched performance of the Star-Spangled Banner at the 2013 POTUS Inauguration, but in today’s perfectly pitched world, lip-synching is fairly common for these high profile events, and especially so for National Special Security Events.
The fan fallout today is not nearly as bad as say, America’s sickening realization that not only Milli, but Vanilli too, had been ‘lipping’ all along. Really, nobody believes that TV is real, but maybe the aesthetic illusion sort of conditions the audience to expect that something real is happening somewhere to create the illusion. Somewhere in the holographic universe, there really are rappers rapping that aren’t really holograms themselves, we like to believe.
Of course, there are artists today who still sing the Banner live, like Kelly Clarkson (luv u grl;), or The Fray who maybe could’ve used an auto-tuner on their guitar. It’s probable that the pre-recorded track Beyoncé used to lip-synch over was itself pre-auto-tuned and produced with all the nicenings and sweetenings of a modern recording studio, with digital tools that flatten out all the human flaw, and smear away all the imperfect goodness that is the human voice and soul.
It is befitting that Beyoncé lip-sang the Banner; the whole event is a farce. Everything about it is empty spectacle. The Inauguration is theater, like a movie theater, not like stage theater. What do people think this is, a 3-D IMAX showing of Les Miz (2012) where the actors really sing right there in the scene? Is it any surprise that human puppets prefer the voices of human robots?
Anyway, more interestingly for the purposes of this blog: whoever arranged this Banner decided to end it with a humorous musical cliché.
Beyoncé sings this Banner in E Major (the Banner traditionally is in the key of B-flat Major). The final cadence uses borrowed chords from E minor to create a harmonic progression that picardies from E minor to E Major. It’s called an Aeolian Cadence, because the borrowed chords belong to the Aeolian mode, or natural minor.
This cheeky little aeolian cadence is is a running musical joke among musicians, found in countless songs, can be tacked on to the end of anything, has been around for a few centuries, and is perfectly befitting Beyoncé’s bravado bravura and her bunk Banner.
The intention here was probably to go “big” or go home, like some studio executive kept telling the conductor to go “BIGGER!”, but in light of the the whole performance being revealed to be a sham, the intended epicness of the Aeolian Cadence comes off exactly as it should—ridiculous and regretful, heightening the pretense of the moment as only music can do for the theater.
A few examples of the “bVI bVII I Aeolian Cadence”: