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The new Los Doggies album—e’rebody—will be released soon!
Check back here for more details in the coming week.

Jeopardy Melodies

Alex & Chu, my 2 waifu…

Jeopardy! has a theme song that everyone hums while they think. It’s the thinking man’s thinking song. Even the lyrics are hmms, or if you’re feeling fancy, doos.

Jeopardy! also has some classic sounds that act upon the listener like some Pavlovian magik.

If a player runs out of time trying to answer a question or no players respond, this is played.

Half-cricket, half-car horn; this sound is an alarming triplet of C major thirds. Like all alarm sounds—the door bell, convenience ding, and vehicular horn—the consonance of the major 3rd is a throwback to the Westminster Quarters bell song. The rhythm has a feel similar to the katydid. It is the sound of failure, worse than Trebek’s dead-eyed scowl.

This sound below signals the end of the round.

Eight semiquavers are played twice with a beat of rest between them. The “B” is reminiscent of industrial sounds—the beeping of home appliances or other warnings from the power grid.

There are other styles of sound on Jeopardy! besides distress signals, such as the the tonal blong from the Final Jeopardy answer reveal.

The blong resolves quickly from an E leading tone to an F tone. The Jeopardy! Theme song is in C Major, as are many of the show’s sounds. The Final Answer shifts the tonality up to the IV, like a plagal cadence. It seems to ask a question as it jumps up a whole octave to play the nearby F.1



Speaking of Fs…


Who is my waifu? Who is Chu?

More Jeopardy! to come…


Notes:
[1]
Compare this tonality to the same idea used in Super Mario Bros. with the C Major Overworld Theme and F Kill Sound. The FM Bells and bloopy tones are also very Mario-like.

Copyright Melodies™

The world wide web is all abuzz this week with tales of high-profile plagiarism. First, actor Shira LeBoof was outed for stealing his short film from a comic book, and then he lifted an apology right off Yahoo Answers. Now, the music lawyers are at it again—accusing the sweetest most innocent boy band One Direction of plagiarizing a Def Leppard song.

Most likely, the bands’ respective publishers will have a protracted legal battle, with Mp3′s and score sheets submitted as evidence, a back-to-back listening party, and maybe even testimony from Def themselves.

The similarities between One Direction’s recent release “Midnight Memories” and Def Leppard’s 80s hit “Pour Some Sugar on Me” are numerous and obvious. They are in the same key, use the same I IV V chord progression, have the same attitude, melodies, rhythm, feel, instrumentation, and the hook is almost exact. Click on the two clips below to compare.



If Ray Parker Jr. had to pay Huey Lewis and the News for merely stealing the bassline to “I Want a New Drug” and using it in “Ghostbusters” (a superior song in every way), then surely the case of One Direction vs. Def Leppard will be settled in favor of the plaintiff.

In the old days, what One Direction did would be called “Variations on a Theme by Def Leppard” and that would be that—one composer paying tribute to another by appropriating their melodies. But any successful band is a business, and international bands like 1D are used to endless litigation. That’s why we have music lawyers in the first place—to squeeze a little more money out of our crappy music.

Epilogue:
Picasso didn’t copy, he stole. So too, Shia.
And hey, even Weird Al Einstein stole. He didn’t even footnote!


Notes:
One Direction “Midnight Memories”
Def Leppard “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
Huey Lewis and the News “I Want a New Drug”
Ray Parker Jr. “Ghostbusters”

J. Law and Illuminati Melody

Once in so ever, this here blog is trendy, if not downright trending upon trendy waters. So, a movie called Hunger Games: Part II came out a million years ago, and if you recall from our first installment, the sequel once again features this leitmotif de résistance.



After whistling this birdy little melody (with perfect pitch mind you), the old man in the video is swiftly singled out, taken onstage, and shot in the head. A simple 4-note figure in g-minor, whistled to the gesture of the three middle fingers held high—who would want to read into that? Who could possibly subscribe esoteric meaning to these random digits and tones?

Drag over the black stemmed noteheads. The motif resembles a minor version of the opening measure of Westminster Quarters clock song. The 4 tones reference a I → V harmonic progression. The first two notes suggest a G minor (I), while the last two notes, a D (major or minor, V is dominant). Interestingly, and Spoilers!, the original answer to this call is withheld in the sequel film, as befitting the second act in a 3-act drama, the tension is left open-ended with zero resolution. The melody beckons, like the sequels bait.

And that’s basically the breadth of this blog in the past, with maybe a final joke alluding to the Grand Musical Conspiracy, followed by an awkward goodbye and footnotes.

Many a youtuber make their daily ad bread from identifying these particular trends, tying them together with tight Masonic threads and neat Jesuit plots. Just go through the movie (or any movie) and point out all the monarch butterflies, Horus eyes, and pyramids you can find, and abracadabra: net-surfers will eat up this crypto-entertainment as readily as the weekly sex-n-health tabloids of yesteryear.

But will these dedicated bloggers correctly identify and repost the sigil/trigger above? Is there room enough in this niche for a musico-crypto-entertainment? Probably not; as we well know, the New World Order will not be notated.

We’ve mentioned Len Horowitz on this blog before, and the industry of healing tones. Lenny would happily spout the 440hz tuning conspiracy, the Committee of 120 Beats per Minute, and the Grid-tone/Earth-tone Connection, but does he have the nerve and the nerd to take on J.Law1 and her franchise fatale?

There’s an old saying that film is 60% music, or something like that, implying that in the final product, music is more important than the image. In the vast holographic deception that is our socially-engineered reality, how much percentage of importance does music hold over image? If symbols do indeed rule our world, then wouldn’t these symbols most likely be of the black and stemmed variety? Is there some all-hearing ear, inscribed in a spiral—the audio analog of the all-seeing eye?

Perhaps, the above motif goes back to the Pharaohs, passed down the Pharonic bloodline, appropriated by Manchurian maestros and remixed by today’s insider entertainers, where it’s gone viral. You can hear it in the wind and the leaves, in bird and child-song, whistled by mockingbird newscasters or played on the mighty wurlitzer. It is the piano figure that opens up the secret room behind the bookcase in a billionaire’s mansion. It is the trigger of our man-made psychosis, the sigil of our dead and dying gods.

Trend lightly friends. Enjoy your saturnalia.


Notes:
[1]
Many of you might find it distasteful to use this moniker on anybody but Jude Law, and to that I say, get real fogey, alfie, go listen to your Now! CDs and stuff some sharkables in teh face.

Whistler’s Monkey

yo monkey Bonnie is an orangutan (not a monkey) living at the National Zoo who taught herself how to whistle. And get this: she doesn’t just whistle for food rewards! She actually—bear with me here—likes to whistle, although we can’t be sure. We have to put ‘likes’ in single quotes, because I still can’t understand why an animal would do something if not for a food reward.

Check out Bonnie’s whistle in the video below, which she basically invented in the vacuum of her lonely zoo cage. She must have been inspired by the breeze blowing across her rusty cage bars. How many people have invented whistling on their own? Probably, as many as have invented the alphabet.





Bonnie’s whistle is kind of like a bird call. She hits 3 notes, and then pauses. The interval she uses is about a whole tone between an F# and G#. There also bends on each note. The first seems to bend down, while the middle bends up, and the third bends up and down. It is notated as quarter-tone sharps below, to best approximate her portamento. Drag over the noteheads or click the score.




yo monkeyIt ain’t dixie, but what a tone—wet and full-lipped. Bonnie’s whistle sounds similar to a mourning dove call, but she isn’t copying the birds. Researchers have suggested that Bonnie picked up her unique talent from a former whistling caretaker.

Pretty soon, apes will be talking too, in American English one hopes. Although, even if Bonnie was singing Shakespeare sonnets, we’d still question her motivations.

Like, do you really enjoy this, or are you in it for the food rewards?

uh Phone

more marimba lolthere is a phone call that makes a kind of native guatemalan greeting everytim it calls you.

like: you’ll be chillin’ with yer homeys, and suddenly be transported to the lovely central american nation of guatemala, where the most insane marimba players live; the original marimba-makers.

you may have heard this thing. i can’t remember what phone it’s for. i’m not good with the brandnames. it seems the phone companies and other multinationals are following the old-time inspiration of classic TV and radio, by playing their insidious jingles on an idiophone.

drag over the black stemmed noteheads below, or click the score to hear the entire melody.

the ringtone is a melody in the key of G Major tetratonic (G, B, D, E). the first interval (B, G) is a Major Third, reminiscent of Westminster Quarters, and its influence on doorbells, convenience stores, dialtones, etc. it also treads into relative minor territory, when emphasizing the E Minor, but it resolves back to the G major by the end.

i’d like to say that the above melody sucks, but it’s actually pretty great. although it isn’t much of a complete musical phrase; it exists more for functional reasons than musical ones. take a look at the half-measure of rest at the end of measure 2. like a call without the answer, the ringtone leaves an open rest in between the melody for screening purposes, just like birdsong do. the marimba was probably chosen because it has a strong attack, sounds like a tonal drum (similar to retro-game timbres), and will cut through most any soundscape with its extreme woodeness.

epi:

yeah, it ain’t such a bad ringtone or a melody, in of itself, but what’s bad is the creeping transhumanist agenda that such a sprightly little wooden melody heralds; and the people, they a-ok with this marimba shit. i guess this commercial was supposed to be ironic or something.

here’s to the crazy guatemalians.

♫ Bonus MIDI for jamming and singing along at home ♫

E’s Wide Sharp

casio ritual

A memorable scene from Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 film Eyes Wide Shut finds Tom Cruise at the Rothschild mansion where he witnesses an elite sex-magick ritual set to a reverse Mass accompanied by live electric keyboard, because the Illuminati just gotta have that live keyboard sound; it makes the sex-magick nice and sexy. You can’t really perform a sex-magick rite without it. Electric keys are what the world leaders get down to each year at Bohemian Grove; the Presidential Emergency Operations Center located beneath the White House is cached with vintage casios in the event of a nuclear holocaust. For all their forward-looking empire-building-and-empire-destorying, the Powers That Be are still stuck in the ’80s with regards to their sex-magick soundtracks1.

Kubrick’s last film also features a colorful score of Shostakovich, Liszt, Chris Isaak, and some jazz, and finally, once the ritual is interrupted to kick Tom Cruise out of the MKUltra sex-magick party, the second half of the movie gets stuck on a simple piano piece—the second movement of Musica Ricercata by György Liget2.

Musica Ricercata II begins with 2 notes played in call and answer phrasing, E♯ and F♯, a semitone apart. Drag your mouse-hand from left to right along the noteheads below to hear the Musica. When you get to the end of the staff, return to the left and start again. Notice the visual symmetry in the 8 bar phrase.


It’s the perfect strolling music, especially if you’re stalking someone. The back and forth movement between the two neighboring pitches creates strong creeping tension when played in various octave combinations, and it isn’t gussied up with harmonies or any reference to a key; the melody is as butt-naked as a beta sex kitten3.

After repetition of the above phrase in eight wide octaves, a 3rd tone stalks the composition. A stark G is played and accelerated in accelerando. Throughout the film, the G is dropped at surprise moments, like when the protagonist Tom Cruise realizes that his wife Nicole Kidman has been participating in sex-magick rituals in her dreams, which is actually way worse.


The 3 tones that make up the piece, E♯. F♯, and G, are each a semitone apart. They create a dissonant chromatic tonality, an inherent ugliness that is rendered beautiful through a widening of the intervals, spread out over the octaves, and played on the soft pedal of the piano.

     

It would probably sound amazing on an electric piano keyboard.

György’s melody is used throughout Eyes Wide Shut as a leitmotif for the Illuminati presence in the film. The sexual tension of pretty much every character is echoed in the dissonant semitone intervals. The 3 tones (E♯, F♯, G) are right next to each other, the closest cluster of notes possible on a pianoforte, and yet they create the strongest dissonance, that’s only made pleasing by giving them some space; I think that’s a metaphor for love or something. The dance between the E-sharp and the F-sharp represents the tension between Tom and Nicole, back and forth they go, resolving on one and then the other. The sudden intrusion of the G tone plays on top of them, like the nefarious conspiracy that rules over our lives and seduces us with its ugly beauty.

Another interpretation: the doubling of the melody in a low and high octave represents two people—a man and woman—marching along a parallel path, and the conspiratorial tones that play between them, create even more dissonance in their lives, as they continue along with the same old melody, as if guided by the hidden hand.

you

Epilogue:
Stanley Kubrick is famous for filming the Apollo moon landings, which actually had some pretty good special effects for its day. Eyes Wide Shut was released on July 16, 1999, the 30th anniversary of the moon landing, and five days after the movie was screened to Tom, Nicole, and Warner Bros. executives, Kubrick mysteriously died of a massive CIA heart attack gun. The end.

Notes:

[1]
Enter the lodge.


[2]
E♯ is also known as F♮, or it’s actually different, but it sounds the same. You may think E♯ is rather pretentious, or you may find the above score to be too fake bookish. So here’s the real score in the youtube below. It’s in 5/4, though the pianist just kinda rests for an indeterminate amount of beats in between the phrases. 5/4 and E♯—now that’s double-dog pretentious and downright ostentatious.


[3]
For more on the subtext of this film, read the Greenbaum speech, or don’t, cause it’s horrifying.